you know you're levi's mom when...(part 4)

...the class is celebrating levi's birthday and they are all encouraged to say something nice about him. you hear one kid say, once he fixed my glasses; another said, once he fixed yo-yo; and a girl said, once he shot me with a pencil gun.

...you use leaves from the tree in your yard with family members names burned in them from a magnifying glass as place cards at the thanksgiving table.

...you know that a duck strapped to a knex wagon makes a great cat toy.

...you've developed a love for geocaching because it means quality time together.

...you learn that a double barrel shotgun won't teach a boy to dance, it will blow their feet off. 

...you go across the country for a family vacation and someone there says they remember your kid from last summer.

...there's a new lava lamp in your house courtesy of a starbucks bottle, water, oil and your last bubble bath tablet. 

...you can say with confidence that cornstarch isn't flammable. however, when it's blown through a pvc pipe towards a flame, it becomes the biggest ball of fire your neighborhood has ever seen.

...you have seen with your own eyes the difference between a horse tooth and a mole tooth thanks to the library book and the teeth in the bottom of your sons drawer.

...you recover the school books because the first go around had a shirtless hollister model on them. hollister bags > stater bros bags.

...the night before an event, you're shoes are fixed; however you are informed they shouldn't be worn for 72 hours.

...you say, please don't jump off the top of the slide into the pool. in the dark.

...during bedtime prayers you open your eyes to find his hands folded and an abercrombie bag over his head.

...a pen at your desk was taken apart and made much cooler with the bamboo case he made at the beach.

...screams are heard from across the lake because he is chasing his sister with a frog he caught. 

...teeth are regularly pulled with the help of the largest nerf launcher we have.

...airsoft pellets are all over the kitchen floor because the homemade bomb went off prematurely.

...you suck something up with the vacuum that makes a horrible noise and realize it's only the airsoft pellets circling the canister.

...an empty box made from wood sits on your dresser.

...you have a ring with a rock glued to the top and you proudly wear it.

...dinner time prayers consistently include, "and help us not to get sick or hurt."

...you ask your son for help as you unclog the ice maker in the freezer door and while he's on the inside and you're on the outside looking up into it, he blows it all out. you are covered in ice flakes.

...you struggle with whether or not to let your son watch felix baumgartner parachute to earth from space because you're not sure what your son will do with this new found information.

...you coin the term "desert noodler" after your son met a boy and together they caught 4 lizards by finding a hole, sticking their hand in it and waiting for something to bite them before pulling out the critter.

... 

you know you are levi's mom when... (part 3)

this little boy, that He entrusted to us, gives such joy and entertainment. i'm in awe that HE chose US to raise this boy in the ways of the Lord. daily he provides us with laughter and at the encouragement of many friends and family, i'm writing it all down. enjoy the read while i enjoy being levi's mom...

so here you go, you know you are levi's mom when...

...you notice the top of his finger and its all scabbed up and nasty to which he replied, "what? it's fine, that happened a long time ago, besides no one else got hurt"... something about falling off the neighbor's treadmill and burning it because the treadmill kept going? 

...when you ask him to choose a sport to keep him focused and out of trouble through high school, he tells you that he will play ping-pong.

...he gives you these directions on how to get home: "mom! turn left here." "now?! ok, but i'll hit that curb." "you'll be fine, just speed up and drift."

...you plan to participate in the distance run portion of the presidential fitness testing at his school and threaten to bring a taser gun so your son will pass.

...you go in for a dental procedure by yourself and they ask about your son.

...you have this conversation on the way to school. "levi, do you believe in santa?" and he tells you "no mom, sorry, and i didn't last year either, i just went along with it for you...the Bible doesn't say anything about santa so I know he can't be real." And as much as you are disappointed, you are quite proud.

...and this conversation:

as we read this verse in luke, "and this will be the sign to you: you will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger" to levi, he informed me this verse was not in the Bible because Jesus WAS NOT a girl. because, duh mom, everyone knows babes are girls.

...while you are preparing dinner, he offers to help clean out the whole chicken for you and its then that you discover where the name "chicken dance" comes from.

...your son's arm goes into the chicken and he wiggles his fingers out the other end, much to the disgust of his sister.

...on a crazy windy day, he uses his umbrella and skateboard to move about the neighborhood.

...after asking what he wants for his birthday, you find yourself googling "trebuchet kits."

...you explain the college sign on the side of the road is wrong, it actually is his birthday and he is relieved that you didn’t lie to him when he woke up.

...you find yourself warning the neighbors that he now has a book entitled, "backyard ballistics."

...your parent-teacher conference goes twice as long as the allotted time.

...a week after the parent-teacher conference, the teacher thanks you for the insight and says the week has gone great now that she understands his way of thinking. 

...he uses and empty egg carton, bbq skewers, and nerf gun balls to make a catamaran and then floats it around the pool.

...you consider starting a support group for parents with sons but then re-think the idea because you may scare them.

...you are a little proud when the neighbor says that our boys were playing with her son's battery-less power wheels grave digger and your son brought it to life with a paper clip and some wire.

...you, and the rest of the parents know, thanks to your son, that it's possible to open any bottle - martinelli's in this case - with a key or lighter.

...you are told that the roll up the pants you ironed looked like huck finn and the slick, parted hair resembled jerry lewis but a wrench and greased shirt would make it look more like 50s day. 

...you later discover that the wrench you let your son take to school to complete the look for 50's day is considered a weapon and taken to the teacher's desk for safe keeping. 

...you go to the movies to watch your son watch the movie rather than watch the movie itself because seeing him laugh is so much better.

...you have to pause certain christmas movies, no matter how many times he watches them so he can catch his breath from laughing so hard.

...your son is completely occupied during a soccer game so you leave him alone only to discover he climbed so high in the tree that he couldn't get down and just fell asleep waiting for you to rescue him.

...you watch him and his dad use pvc, duct tape, nails, plastic, a torch and glue to make a blow dart and are convinced that they could survive anywhere.

...you get this note from a friend at church: "had your boy in after care today...kinda bummed he was so tired, he just sat there." are honestly, that makes you just a little bit relieved.

...he tells you that he likes to prank the ice cream man and then changes the word from prank to play. 

...he tells you that he and the neighbor kid shot "splat" balls at the ice cream man's truck and you now know why it's been quite some time since you've heard the once familiar tune coming down the street.

...in the same conversation, you learn the mail man probably would have liked to have the same choice as the ice cream man, but it's his job to visit your street every day, so you threaten your son to stay away from him.

...you find yourself explaining what statute of limitations are and there are some things it's best to wait to tell mom until you move out of the house.

...there's a big part of you that wishes you were very good at making up stories but in reality you know you are not, but He has given you a son to live the stories better than you could ever make them up. 

...you are walking through the mall and tell him that one of the pastors just bought some rounds for his gun. after he asks if what kind they were, if it was this, or that, and you don't have the answer, your son pulls a spent shell out of his pocket and says, did it look like this? 

...you put walnuts and almonds on your grocery list for baking and your son goes to the produce aisle and gets a bag of shelled nuts because they are so much fun to crack open. you discover this when you get home and start baking.

...you are incredibly proud of him because he's growing up to be just like his daddy in every way.

...your son plus 3 neighborhood boys, 1 mr. quarterback football launcher and a poor unsuspecting grasshopper means lots of hysterical laughter.

...you hear him and his sister thank Jesus that we could celebrate His birthday tomorrow when they prayed at bed time, only to see them immediately jump off the bed and run into the kitchen to get the cookies, milk and carrots to leave by the fireplace, pausing to ask if Santa was lactose intolerant and you see years of therapy ahead.

...you are pretty sure you are on Christmas movie overload because when your son asks what happens when a person buys Toms, his dad answers with, “an angel gets their wings.”

...you stop your son from tearing 3 links off of the unattended christmas countdown chain at school so that some random kid out there didn’t wake up december 22 thinking it was christmas.

...your son is asked to bring an ornament to school that represented him for an exchange and he asks if could "modify" a store-bought or "bring power to it." And you are concerned for kid on the receiving end of this.

...you discover though chocolate chip math worked with your daughter when she learned regrouping in division, your son would rather learn via amps, voltage, and ER co pays.

...you are a little confused at why the teacher said, OH BOY! when your son walked into the sunday school class but later it became clear when we picked him up and he told us he "let one" and cleared the row during chapel.

…you are sitting around a campfire, meeting dirtbike club and hear your son’s introduction: “my name is levi, i ride a honda and my mom doesn't cook.”

...you go on a road trip and your son announces that he brought his alarm clock so that he doesn't sleep in.

…you know what "goosed it" means in motorcycle terms...and a day later see the effects of it on your son’s leg.

…your husband has to replace a hose in the washer that was damaged as a result of your son's hobby of collecting things and leaving them in his pockets. tn this case, it was a sharp, stainless steel, street sweeper brush.

...at the dinner table, are you are asked, "if you have Jesus in your heart, then donate your heart when you die, does the person who gets it become a Christian?"

...your daughter insists on looking at clothes in every store and your irritated son rolls his eyes and says she wouldn't have to love clothes so much if it weren't for Adam and Eve.

...you survive another parent teacher conference but discover that your son annoys kids by blowing on them and you realize you never told him not to do that either.

...you find yourself asking why he made bird sounds in class which got him in trouble only to hear, "the teacher never told me not to."

...you discover a huge fake spider on your gas cap when you open the door to get gas.

…after hearing the family has the flu, a teacher calls to see how the family is. you tell her your son didn’t get it but she tells you it’s ok if he stays home an additional 24 hours…you know, just in case.


...