there's nothing, yet so much. my mind is scattered, cluttered, i'm up, i'm down, i'm anxious, i'm at peace. i'm so thankful He remains constant. i'm thankful i can run to Him at anytime and He's there.
as for matt:
when people ask how he's doing, matt always says "sarah give them the short story."
so the short story is, he's good. he's still in remission - we've hit the 2 month mark. hallelujah!! isn't our God good?
my version is always way longer, matt says i bore people with too many details. so if you agree with him, feel free to close this link and move on to your other web surfing and blog reading. i promise not to be offended. in fact, if you do, when i write a book, this will all be new to you. (insert half serious smiley face and a plea for prayer!)
a few weeks ago we saw the surgeon and he said everything looks good. he said there's still "something" but he believes it's the tissue that is still inflamed from surgery and it's nothing to worry about. he said if he saw anything, he'd biopsy it right there. he told us we could take a break from the medicated nasal rinses and just use saline. (praise the Lord cause those puppies were expensive!!) as usual, he cleaned out matt's surgery area and said he'd see us in 8 weeks. 8 weeks!! that's the longest stretch he's given us. i asked how long we'd see him so frequently, he said a few more times at 8 weeks apart and once we hit the one year mark from surgery - which is january - we could possibly see him every 3-4 months. i asked how long we'd do that. he paused and looked at me and said "sarah, you're not going any where. i'll be seeing you guys for the next 20 years, in fact, we're going to be good friends when this is all over." so i told him he better invite us over for thanksgiving. he laughed, made a joke and we left the office. the girls at the front desk commented on how well matt must be doing because they have seen us walk out crying too many times and knew things were good based on how we were all smiles.
matt went to have another test at the audiologist and he said the hearing loss is about the same. the good news is the medication didn't make it worse as they thought. matt feels his hearing has decreased though and the ringing is louder. we've noticed matt strains to hear people and in restaurants or other places with loud background noise, he doesn't even try. he just looks at me and i tell him what's being said. we're a team, it's another way He's allowing us to become one. i'm reminded of old people and how she always answers for him. it always got me mad, i thought, let him have an opinion. well, now i get it, i can probably stop coloring my hair and let the gray burst forth because we're becoming "them." the audiologist said he'd talk about hearing aids in about a year but wanted all of the healing and treatment to be completely done first. matt will have another hearing test in 6 months just so they can monitor it.
the lump in matt's breast area seems to be getting bigger. we'll bring it up again at the next oncologist appointment. we're told they can go away in a few months, but they are "normal" given all of the meds matt has been on over the past 18 months.
his smell and taste haven't come back at all. his energy isn't where it was before cancer, but it's getting there. he says he's at 85% and that always makes me laugh. i get 50% or 75%, i'm not sure what 85% is. maybe a bit more than 75%, but not quite to 100.
he's back to work at o'dark thirty. he leaves at 4am and comes home tired. he has headaches. his neck and back hurt. my mind want's to go "there" but i'm keeping those thoughts at bay and replacing them with promises from the Word. i'm attributing it all to the ever changing california weather, working again like he always did and straining to hear people. as hard as it is, we're praising God. because matt is still here.
about 6 months ago, friends of ours invited us to join them and my brother's family for a week of camping in mammoth. it was slated for the last week of august. we said we couldn't commit as we didn't have any idea where we'd be at that time. they got our spot and told us that if matt is well, and we know he will be - come.
and we did. it was an exhausting trip with many memories made. we laughed, we ate too much, we hiked, biked, canoed, fished, talked and played. it also just so happened that we were there exactly one year to the day of matt's diagnosis.
for an entire year, august 28 was a day etched in my mind as the hardest i'd ever lived. not only did matt have cancer, but it was that day that i had to tell the kids.
for an entire year, august 28 was a day etched in my mind as the hardest i'd ever lived. not only did matt have cancer, but it was that day that i had to tell the kids.
so this year on august 28, we went on a hike. what we saw at the destination was breathtaking. and so significant. we went to rainbows falls. and as we know, the rainbow signifies how He keeps His promises. i couldn't help but reflect back on the day a year earlier and all of the events that brought us to that place and that day one year later. i got to watch my matt, my brother, and matt (our friend) all dive in the icy water and swim under rainbow falls. it was the most glorious site.
matt's next mri is october 7 at 5:15pm. we don't expect results until the following week. and then we see the surgeon a few weeks after that.
i'm thankful for the Word. it brings me such comfort. in the one year bible, i'm reading in isaiah. about a week ago, i read how hezekiah was ill and a prophet came to him and told him, the Lord has said get your life in order, you are about to die. and it says hezekiah put his face toward the wall and prayed and wept bitterly. and the Lord said, i have heard your prayers, i have seen your tears and i will surely add to your days 15 years.
from the day i read that, i've thought about it over and over. i don't know how many years the Lord is adding to matt's life, but i believe because so many of you prayed and wept with us, you along with me, turned your faces toward the floor pleading. and the Lord has extended matt's time. God showed us mercy, when "they" said it didn't look good. if i could hug each of you and thank you, i would. my heart is overwhelmed.
as much as i hate the symptoms, i'm thankful for them because they bring us to a place of remembering what He has done for us and how dependent we are on Him. His Word is so alive when i open the pages, i understand what it means to have the Holy Spirit as our Comforter - isn't He though. i never ever want to forget.
so today, we press on. we live. we laugh. we worship. we're blessed meeting people who have been praying for us. we loving hearing how God has used matt's story to touch them in some way. we're humbled He'd use us at all. thank you for the continued prayer and if you're still reading, thank you. (see matt, i told you. ha!)
and one more from mammoth. cause i can. isn't he a doll?
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