pre-op is not for the faint of heart

because i want to document everything, this could be long.
so.
much.
has.
happened.

monday our oncologist was back in the office after being gone a few weeks. i graciously gave her a few hours to get caught up on her work and then i started calling. and we emailed. and i left voicemails.
monday afternoon i got an approval letter for surgery and the surgeon called with a surgery date.
i called the oncologist again. this time when i left a message, i said surgery has been scheudled for next week. you have us doing chemo on wed, thurs and fri. i need to know what to plan for, you can't keep me on hold, i have things going on. i'm sure they laughed when they heard that. like they care about my schedule.

on tuesday the surgeons office called and confirmed surgery for the following tuesday.
i left another message for the oncologist. i'm sure she has a lot of patients but my husband has cancer! (i was getting a little anxious and slightly, ever so slightly frustrated.)

later on tuesday the oncologist called me back, she must have still felt rested from her vacation because she wasn't angry. after telling me that she got all of my emails, voicemails and messages (she paused), she was able to talk with the surgeon and get his thoughts on the change of plans. she agrees that we should move forward with surgery and we'll cancel chemo for now. she said she reviewed matt's bone scan and PET scan and was quite relieved that they were clear. she was concerned. wait, SHE was concerned? i'm glad that didn't come across to me previously or i may have gone a little crazy while we waited for results. just saying.

move forward to thursday. we had appointments for pre-op at UCI. we met with both surgeons, each of their nurses, physicians assistants, resident physicians, matt had two physicals and answered many health questions. and every time someone, anyone asks, do you smoke? he replies with only when i'm on fire. he had blood tests, urine tests, mri's, ct scans and our first born were all requested. it didn't go quite that smoothly, however, i'll spare you the details, though with them you'd understand my meltdown when i got home.
matt still has one more mri and a phone interview with the anesthesiologist and then he will be cleared for surgery.

as i said, i had a bit of a meltdown last night. i cranked up some chris tomlin, worshiped and cried. i was putting dishes away when it began so i stood in between 2 opened kitchen cupboards and sobbed, worshiped and no one saw me. it's probably a good thing or people would think i'm nuts as my kitchen faces the street and the neighbors. it's what happened though and what i'm learning is that those moments come. and when they do, reading the word of God and worshiping is the only thing to combat it. and i say combat it because it's a very real battle.

today i woke up feeling restored and refreshed. i had a much better outlook on the situation. the verse that says, though weeping may endure for a night, joy comes in the morning is so true. this morning is a new day. my one year bible reading was very encouraging as well. in matthew 8 there were tons of healings that took place, and i ended my reading with proverbs 3:5-6 which are matt's verses.

i was still irritated when the surgeons office called 4 more times today to request more tests, all of which have already been done. (the problem is that when there are 2 surgeons, they are responsible for their own tests and they aren't looking to see what the other surgeon ordered.) we're trusting Him completely in this, we know it's all ok.