cancerschmancer - the Word

through this process, the Word has become so alive. during my quiet time, the application and practical "do this" jumps out at me. maybe because i'm searching so much more intently for minute by minute strength. however, i believe when you give Him time, He speaks to your heart. with this journey before us, we want to focus on his goodness and use it as an opportunity. we know that no matter the season or size of the trial, the Word of God is living and true and brings breath and life.

i'm going through the psalms in my devotional time and recently i've begun learning to pray differently, from the cry of my heart. not using words or phrases i think He wants to hear from me, but from the deepest part of my being. those psalmists prayed in a way i've never noticed before. the Word also brings strength for that day. it's so alive.

two days after the diagnosis, on august 30, i read psalm 69:13-16, and the verses 29 says, "but i am poor and sorrowful;...i will praise the name of God with a song." He wants us to worship Him.

the next day, psalm 70:5 says, "You are my help and my delivery; o Lord, do not delay."

on sept. 2, i was in psalm 73. verse 16-17 says, "when i thought how to understand this, it was too painful for me - until i went into the sanctuary of God; then i understood their end."

verse 21-28 continue with things like, my heart was greived, i was vexed, foolish, ignorant, nevertheless i am with You, you hold me, guide me and afterward receive me to Your glory....my flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever...but it is good for me to draw near to God; i have put my trust in the Lord God, that i may declare all Your works."

but some of my favorite verses during my quiet time came from psalm 84, "for a day in Your courts is better than a thousand." and then he says, "no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly." being with Him is the best thing yet. His promises are true, they bring life.

there are so many great truths, daily He speaks to my heart and gives me what i need for that day. we need to be with Him daily to get a new filling.

i began reading streams in the desert each morning in addition to reading my bible. here are a few things He has spoken to my heart...

one in particular went so perfectly with what i read in psalm 84 one morning, "no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly." 

"He is the LORD; let him do what is good in his eyes.

1 samuel 3:18

if i see God in everything, He will calm and color everything i see! perhaps the circumstances causing my sorrows will not be removed and my situation will remain the same, but if Christ is brought into my grief and gloom as my Lord and Master, He will "surround me with songs of deliverance" (Ps 32:7). to see Him and to be sure that His wisdom and power never fail and His love never changes, to know that even His most distressing dealings with me are for my deepest spiritual gain, is to be able to say in the midst of bereavement, sorrow, pain, and loss, The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised. Job 1:21."


He knows what is best for us and what a peace we have in knowing that no matter the outcome of any situation or trial He walks us through, He is God and He's got this.


another day, as i read in streams, i couldn't help but think that cancer isn't the "cross" i would choose for us. but then again, i probably wouldn't choose any cross for us. but He knows best. we all have a cross that is painful, heavy and uncomfortable, but as we lay them on our shoulder, my hope is that through it, He'd draw us close to Him, and in time we'd be of greater use to others.

and then i read this in streams...

"if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. mark 8:34

the cross that my Lord calls me to carry may assume many different shapes. i may have to be content with mundane tasks in a limited area of service, when i may believe my abilities are suited for much greater work. i may be required to continually cultivate the same field year after year, even though it yields no harvest whatsoever. i may be asked of God to nurture kind and loving thoughts about the very person who has wronged me and to speak gently to him, take his side when others oppose him, and bestow sympathy and comfort to him. i may have to openly testify of my Master before those who do not want to be reminded of Him or His claims. and i may be called to walk through this world with a bright, smiling face while my heart is breaking.

yes, there are many crosses, and every one of them is heavy and painful. And it is unlikely that I would seek out even one of them on my own. yet Jesus is never as near to me as when i lift my cross, lay it submissively on my shoulder, and welcome it with a patient and uncomplaining spirit.

He draws close to me in order to mature my wisdom, deepen my peace, increase my courage, and supplement my power. all this He does so that through the very experience that is so painful and distressing to me, i will be of greater use to others."

as I read that day, i could relate to the psalmist who said he was troubled, his spirit was overwhelmed, he couldn't speak but as he meditated in his heart and searched, he saw the Lord is favorable, merciful, gracious, and His promises don't fail. he remembered the wonders of old, thought about all he knew to be true, declared His strength among people.

His word is true. it's alive. it's the very breath we breathe.