cancerschmancer - faithfulness and watermelon

as we drove home from our appointment at uci today, my mind was all over the place.

matt turned on the radio and jeremy camp's, "walk by faith" was on.
of course, that brought more tears.

after my devotion from the other day from psalm 119, there's not a doubt in my mind that He wants me to do just that. walk by faith

step 1: walk by faith

cancer and my type a personality can not co-exist. it just doesn't work.

immediately after the song was over my mind went back to thinking about the surgery part of what the doctor told us.

this is why the Word of God says to take every thought captive and to practically do that, i must fill my mind and keep filling it with what i want to occupy it.

step 2: fill the mind

and when the song was over, my thoughts took over again.
thoughts - 1; sarah - 0

here's what went through my mind:
when its time for surgery, (and we don't know when they will do it yet...)
who is going to help us with the kids?
will it be in december or was that just a maybe because we pushed for a ballpark?
what method of surgery will they do?
do you know how busy december is for people? (cancer by the way, knows no time!)
how are we going to prepare for christmas?
how long will matt be off work?
how long will i be off work?
will i be able to shop, wrap and do christmas like we normally do?
who will stay with the kids while i'm at uci with matt?
*i'm not asking for help, just sharing what went through my mind*

then i thought, ok, so if in fact surgery comes around christmas, we'll actually focus on the REAL meaning rather than the commercialized meaning and that's ok, in fact it's perfect and it's the way HE intended for us to celebrate. we have much to rejoice over. we'll celebrate the One who gives us life.
ok, i can do that.

step 3: rejoice

then matt and jamie reminded me as i verbalized all of my concerns, HE is faithful and has been faithful thus far.

in my quiet time i've been reading through the psalms. about a week ago i read chapters 104-107 and was reminded of all of the things He did. He proved His faithfulness and the works of His hands over and over. hasn't He done great things so far? why have i so quickly let those things leave my mind?

step 4: remember that which He has done in the past 52 days.

finally i visualized the watermelons we had on our kitchen table. if you remember, i posted about matt's watermelon craving last week and over the course of three days, we had 11 - yes 11 watermelons brought to us. some were handed to us and some were anonymously delivered to our porch. i purposefully didn't share that at the time because i didn't want anyone to think that their idea was not original or maybe they weren't appreciated since we did get a few. but let me tell you, every single watermelon was appreciated because we knew matt was being thought of, loved on and prayed for. and our family was experiencing Jesus through this. and we have 3 left, matt can't eat it fast enough so if you brought one (or more!) thank you!!!

matt had a small desire and we see how it was provided for exceedingly abundantly. i'm reminded that HE cares for every detail. He doesn't provide us with watermelon but leave us when we really need Him for the "big" stuff.

so for those of you who were obedient - you might have looked at it as watermelon.
i look at it as faithfulness and complete provision.

step 5: thank and trust Him



ps - for those of you who were looking for the cancer pictures or the uci update, hang tight they are coming.

pss - we've been so blessed with dinners, and recently my brother set up a meal planning website, if you are interested in helping with that, click here: meal train and thank you! we are so thankful...because we're all going to cry the day i start cooking again.