this week we have not had a single doctor appointment! PRAISE THE LORD!!
3 chemo treatments are done
5 weeks of daily radiation are done
5 days of daily cyberknife treatments are done
scans are done…for now
we've met with all of the surgeons…for the first go around
we've met with radiation oncologists and our regular oncologist…again.
now we wait. the chemo and radiation are doing their jobs to kill the cancer. we still see chunks exit matt's body, it's still the coolest, grossest thing ever. and we are ever amazed that we get to witness the cancer leaving, not many people get to see that. even if all of the cancer is gone, we will still have surgery. there is scar tissue that can be removed. heathy tissue inside the nose will be removed with the hopes of getting clear margins. they will also try to find and remove the "base" of the cancer. reconstruction will still need to be done. when you have a tumor the size of a lime in your nose, things get moved and shifted. in the initial discussion of reconstruction, matt requested a michael jackson nose. the nasal surgeon just smiled. i'm not so fond of that…if i remember correctly, mj's nose fell off. but we still have time to work this out.
it's nice not to have any doctor appointments, it's been months since this has happened.
we resume meeting with everyone and their mother again next week. we'll have more scans and then surgery will be scheduled. some where in there we're hoping to have city of hope confirm surgery since we've had such varying opinions. once all ofwe think it could take place at the end of december - but stay tuned.
in the "down time"…
we celebrated our 20th anniversary. i'll be honest. i had a meltdown and asked matt to cancel our dinner plans. i told him that this is not how i pictured celebrating 20 years. i didn't want to go celebrate. it's not the marriage, or the anniversary i was thinking about, it was the season we are in that bothered me. i didn't want to celebrate it. he cancelled our reservations.
i cried. then he prayed. he hugged me. and then he told me to get dressed, we were going out. period. and he called the restaurant back and re-made our reservations. i love him.
later a woman i look up to asked how our anniversary was. i told her how i was feeling and what i did. she said, sarah, celebrate every day. not just the milestones. find something in every day to celebrate. live the way He intended you to live and celebrate everything.
that hard word was exactly what i needed to end my pity party. i cried. she prayed.
we had a nice dinner out and sat there in awe that we've made it 20 years. it seems so long ago that we got married, yet sometimes it feels like just yesterday.
two days later, the boys went turkey hunting. it's been a tradition for years. they go decked out in camo gear, scout the land, set up blinds, and hunt. they didn't get one. they saw them, but the turkeys weren't where they could be shot. levi said next year, he's wrestling one to the ground, dragging it to where they can shoot it legally and then they will finally bring home a turkey. i really hope they get that wrestling on video.
but for now, it's boys and men - 0; turkeys - 1.
matt came home from the trip tired. he said that as they hiked out, he was weary, his body was worn out. he even took a nap. he went because initially he felt good. we are learning that just because he feels good doesn't mean he should do it. he needs to preserve his energy right now. that's hard because we are a busy, on-the-go family. but we're learning.
also during our down time, matt celebrated a birthday. he turned 43. on his birthday he said he was very tired. i reminded him that of course he is tired, he's getting older. i said, look at you, you are bald and aging. we laughed.
in reality, he's tired because he had a busy weekend.
he's tired because he gets up at 4am.
he's tired because he is still working full time.
he's tired because he has cancer.
he's tired because his body is full of chemo and radiation.
it's ok to be tired and it's ok to rest, because we have a week of no doctor appointments and no treatments.
we don't do down time very well. but we're learning.
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