cancerschmancer - why matt

if you read the first post i wrote, cancerschmancer - the discovery, you may remember reading about the day i told the kids matt had cancer. it's hard to relive those moments. they were by far some of the worst i've experienced as a mom. 
one thing in particular that will forever be etched in my mind was when i told taylor. and she fell apart, her head was buried on my chest, neither of us could breathe. she said again and again, why my daddy? why my daddy? i told her again and again, i don't know. i don't know sweetie.

while i still don't know why it has to be matt, i have seen obvious fruit as a result of this. matt has always been an incredible example of Godliness to me and to so many others. he is servant hearted to the core. he is gentle. he is level headed. he's giving. compassionate, he is all of those things that i am not. i don't say this because he has cancer and you always speak the best of people when tragedy hits; but truly because matt is amazing. anyone who knows him, knows of his character and integrity.

yesterday a friend shared streams in the desert with me. i hadn't read it yet. when she emailed it to me, she said she thought of me. as i read it, i thought of my matt. 

it reads:
"I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children.(Genesis 18:19)

God chooses people He can depend upon. He knew what to expect from Abraham and said of him, "I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children . . . that the LORD will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him." God knew Abraham would "direct his children."The Lord can be depended upon, and He desires for us to be just as reliable, determined, and stable. This is simply the meaning of faith.

God is looking for people on whom He can place the weight of His entire love, power, and faithful promises. And His engines are strong enough to pull any weight we may attach to them. Unfortunately, the cable we fasten to the engine is often too weak to handle the weight of our prayers. Therefore God continues to train and discipline us in His school of stability and certainty in the life of faith. May we learn our lessons well and then stand firm. A. B. Simpson

God knows that you can withstand your trial, or else He would not have given it to you. His trust in you explains the trials of your life, no matter how severe they may be. God knows your strength, and He measures it to the last inch. Remember, no trial has ever been given to anyone that was greater than that person's strength, through God, to endure it."

i still don't know why He chose matt, but i take great comfort in knowing it wasn't a mistake. He allowed it and we won't waste this trial. our goal through this is that He would be glorified.

there is no one i'd rather do life and eternity with than matt. even if that means walking this cancer road.

now that i think about it, the question shouldn't be, why matt. but rather, why not matt?