it knocked him.
badly.
monday and tuesday he was ok after chemo. but after wednesday's treatment - there was a significant change. he wasn't in pain, he wasn't nauseaus, aside from saying he was tired and really miserable, he couldn't describe it. a few days later he finally said it felt like the chemo was killing him and it felt like he had battery acid flowing through his veins, he didn't feel good from head to toe.
that knocked me.
he says he doesn't know how he'll do the next two rounds. i don't know either. but if you asked me almost 6 months ago how we'd walk this cancer road, i couldn't tell you then.
today, i say we can face tomorrow armed with His grace, mercy and strength; we're clinging to Him with desperate dependence. and that's how we'll face the next chemo round. aside from that, i really don't know either. i just know we will.
i have a nasty cold so we're trying to distance ourselves from each other. mine has to run it's course and i'm on day 6. if you think about it, please pray for matt...his immune system is really shot right now and the last thing he needs to be fighting is a stupid cold. clorox is our friend. everything is getting wiped down. often.
this is how we spent valentines day - we're oh so romantic. i wish we were kidding. sigh...
going into this week was freeing. though i still don't feel well, matt is starting to feel good again.
he has neuropathy, the ringing in his ears is bad, he can't smell much, can't taste much (so when i oversalt something, no one cares!) and this chemo is causing his hair to fall out - all of his hair. soon he won't have eyebrows but the good news is we'll be able to draw his eyebrows on depending on his mood. we're looking forward to that. stay tuned for pictures.
and his legs will resemble those of an athlete - we'll find the positives and humor in all of it.
so this week is the first week in months that we didn't have any doctor appointments. it feels like forever since we've gone a week without having something lined up.
and then they called.
matt is scheduled for an mri this thursday. they want it "asap." i asked what exactly "asap" means in the medical world. i know stat means within hours and the results are given within hours. i know this because every other test he's had was ordered "stat." asap means exactly that, as soon as possible. in matt's case, it was scheduled to take place within 48 hours. not bad. i hope the results come in just as quickly. the waiting kills me. literally causes anxiety because i know the information is there. i just don't know what the information is. the waiting is just. so. hard.
this will be the first "true" mri since surgery. he had one as they were finishing up the surgery but at that point the radiation was still active and they couldn't get a real accurate reading on what was going on - though they said it was good.
radiation is now completely out of his system and he's 5 weeks post-op so this one will tell us a lot. in fact, this mri determines our future. fortunately He already knows our future. He walks before us. He knew this before time began. and in that we can rest.
so where do we stand now...
if the mri is clear and no cancer is detected, matt will have chemo again march 3-5 and again march 24-26 and then we're done. at least done with treatment. but matt will have scans often for the next few years.
if the mri isn't clear, i assume they'll do a pet scan to check the rest of his body and then matt will have either chemo or more surgery. our oncologist continues to consult with the city of hope doctors because remember, this is rare and aggressive. i'm reminded of proverbs 15:22, "without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established." so though we don't understand their discussions or conversations, we trust they know what they are doing when they all agree on a plan.
this morning in the one year bible we read psalm 37:1-11 and there was some great practical instruction for me. i love how timely this is.
don't fret
trust in the Lord
do good
feed on His faithfulness
delight in Him
commit your way to Him
trust in Him
rest in the Lord
wait patiently for Him
don't fret (did you notice that's there twice!!)
cease from anger
don't fret (oh look, three times!)
the meek shall inherit the earth and they shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace
so with that, we rest in Him, in His perfect plan for us and continue to look for opportunities to glorify Him in this. we thank you for praying and walking this road with us.
one of these days, i'll let myself get back to the surgery day and share about that. frankly though, my emotions aren't ready to go there.
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