cancerschmancer - round 2 and then some

thought i'd write an update.
though it seems not much is going on right now, that in itself is an update.

last week matt finished round 2 of chemo, that's three more days of poison behind us. thinking about chemo, that's what it is. it kills the bad. and the good. it's the route we've chosen to take.

then thursday he gave himself a marrow booster shot. the kids and i watched. matt said i couldn't administer it to him because i seemed a little too eager. whatever.

so we watched him pinch the little bit of fat he has in his belly with one hand, and hold the shot in the other.

and then we waited. he hesitated. and hesitated. we all laughed. finally he stuck the needle in and gave himself the injection. it really isn't a big deal - if you are used to doing that sort of thing. we're not. i think he'll get one more of these during the course of this treatment.

the benefit of the booster is that it will jump start his white blood cell count with the hopes that his numbers will be high enough for the next round of chemo at the appointed time. the downfall is that it makes his bones ache because the marrow is busy working and producing new cells. his back, the bones in his head, his armpits. everything. he aches. it's literally an ache from head to toe.

and he is very tired. he said he feels like he's 90. with all of the meds and bald head, his need for naps, i told him i think he is 90. we both chuckled. he teases me, i tease him. it's how we cope. we tease and we laugh.
he naps often. he gets very fatigued just walking across a street. it's sad, but it's ok. it's a season. levi mowed the lawn. i swept the pool, levi cleaned out the filters. we all have a new normal for this season. matt needs to rest. it's so hard for him. he doesn't sit still well.

matt has neuropathy, he has a constant ringing in his ears. he isn't nauseous - praise the Lord. his weight is exactly where it was when he was diagnosed almost 7 months ago. has it been 7 months really? sigh.

his weight has fluctuated throughout this whole thing, varying in total by 30 pounds from his highest weight after thanksgiving to his lowest after surgery. so it is an amazing feat to be at the exact weight. me? i'm up 10 pounds. because when matt feels like eating, we both eat. but enough about me.

we're told he may not get his taste or smell back. the surgeon said it in way that made us wonder if the olfactory gland was altered (or removed?) during surgery. maybe it's due to having cancer in the nasal area. maybe it's from chemo. who knows. but yesterday he told me lunch was the best meal he's eaten in a long time. i was so excited and asked what exactly he could taste. after thinking about it and taking another sip of his iced tea, he shook his head and told me nothing, it must have been the cold ice in the refreshing drink. so now we say, this is the best textured dinner ever. the kids have joined in. when dinner isn't amazing, i get this, "mom, you nailed the texture of those carrots!" and we laugh. it's a huge bummer matt can't taste or smell, but all things considered, it's ok. it has to be ok right? what option do we have?

we'll still pray for a miracle, the God who created us, who loves us, who died for us and rose for us, can certainly restore that which the doctors say is "probably not going to return." He defies the impossible. He accomplishes His will despite odds so that He would be glorified.

amen?

last week after chemo matt asked me to make cobbler, he was craving it. one thing i've learned is that during chemo, if he craves anything, we do what we can to get it because he doesn't crave much.
so when he mentioned a cobbler, i made one.

i put it in the oven and went outside. the berries started to burn against the hot pan, the cobbler wasn't burnt, just starting to smell that way. i ran in the house and as i was grabbing it out of the oven, i said, matt, you didn't smell that?!!! he shook his head. nope.

it hit me. how often have i taken something so simple as smell for granted.
the orange blossoms in spring.
a bbq in summer.
perfume.
puppy breathe.
a newborn baby.
fresh towels and sheets.
smoke.

sigh.

i called the surgeons office to see if the "seasoned eyes" looked over the latest MRI, there wasn't anything written in our file yet. so we wait.

i called the oncologist to schedule the next scan. i was told the PET/CT and MRI would be sometime in april. so we wait.

in two weeks, matt gets round 3 of chemo. then another booster shot.
then scans, and more appointments with all of the doctors and then more chemo.

then maybe we'll be done? i hesitate to say it because with every appointment things change. scans tell us the new course of treatment.

today i read in the one year bible, psalm 61. it was perfect.
it starts off with this,
hear my cry o God; listen to my prayer.
from the ends of the earth i call to You, i call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than i.
it says, i will abide in Your tabernacle forever; i will trust in the shelter of Your wings.

i'm not sure who reads this. the purpose in writing was because so many people suggested i keep a log. i wanted to remember things. but i saw last week the blog is being hit from countries around the world - i'll admit, i had to look one country up. never heard of it.

so if you are reading this, thank you. it's so overwhelming to think that people are praying, people we don't know. or to think someone might even be encouraged by our story. cancer affects so many. we all have our own "cancer" -  that thing that burdens us to the core. that situation that brings us to our knees. no matter what your "cancer" is, my prayer is that His Word would draw you in, it will be your strength, it will become the very air you breathe. if you are walking with us, reading this, growing with us, i'm encouraged. and really, i'd love to hear from you.

and of course, thank you for praying for my matt. we continue to trust Him as we walk this cancer road.